Title: Proclivities
Category: Humor
Season: Season 3
Rating: G
Warnings: minor language
Summary: When is a pair of pants NOT a pair of pants?
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).

Author's Notes: This started out as a chapter for a much longer piece I'm working on, but the chapter ran away from me and took on a life of it's own. (I have always been a fan of Suz' short stories and envied her ability to write these wonderful vignettes; this is my attempt at one of my own. Enjoy!

Proclivity- A natural tendency or inclination

Sam sat on the slightly damp rock watching Daniel as he zipped in and out of buildings trying desperately to collect as much information as possible before heading back to the SGC. It was their last day on the planet and everything had gone perfectly smoothly. And for SG-1 this was by no means a small feat. Sam had taken her soil samples, Daniel got to look at temples, Teal'c was the ever stoic and reliable Teal'c. And the Colonel? The Colonel was bored out of his mind. Sam smiled at that last thought. As much as he hated the Goa'uld and disliked it when missions went awry, it WAS the only time he wasn't bored and felt useful.

Teal'c and Jack had gone up ahead to break down the camp while Sam stayed with Daniel as he finished photographing some ruins. The planet appeared to be deserted and the buildings seemed rather old, naturally Daniel was quite enthusiastic about their origin.

"Just think Sam, this might have been the place some of the original Mayans were brought too! Just look at this carving..." Sam felt guilty as she tuned him out. She knew this was exactly what the Colonel did to both herself and Daniel. Normally she shared in his enthusiasm, but she was tired and looking forward to a long hot soak in the bathtub. This planet might be rather pleasant in the summer, but it was now (by Sam's estimations) late fall and decidedly chilly. She'd be glad to get home. The sound of the Colonel's voice broke through Sam's musings.

"Carter, Daniel, you guys ready to come on back?"

Sam keyed her mike as she glanced over at Daniel. The poor guy was trying hard not to pout. "On our way Sir."

"Sweet- home by dinner. See you in 30."

"Sorry Daniel, you heard the Colonel." Daniel muttered something under his breath as he gathered his equipment and stuffed it all in his backpack.

They lapsed into a comfortable silence for the next few minutes, during which Sam became increasing aware of the need for a bathroom. Or a private tree. She was incredibly embarrassed, as she seldom had to actually TELL anyone when she needed to go. What made it all the worse was that this planet didn't have any large trees to speak of; just lots of grassy plains and small plants. Sam smiled as she heard clips from Monty Python in her head. 'Shrubbery? Did you say shrubberies?' She smiled to herself, as she looked around the somewhat damp landscape. It had rained sometime in the recent past and the ground was squishy with mud in quite a few places. On the plus side, the lack of large trees usually meant the absence of large predators.

"Uh Daniel?" Sam said stopping near a small clearing. "Would you mind..."

"No problem Sam. I'll stay right here and try not to shoot myself." Although Daniel still didn't carry the big P-90's that Sam and Jack liked to haul around, he had been taught how to fire one. And naturally the first attempt had been a disaster. At least Daniel had managed to pick up quite a few military survival skills (along with several additional pounds of muscle) so that when he inevitably DID get into trouble, he was in a position to bounce right back, with a little help from the SGC Infirmary of course.

Sam couldn't help but smile at the memory of Daniel's last visit to the infirmary (nothing life threatening thank god). It seemed the more missions Daniel went on the more in shape he became. And with buffness came popularity. Naturally Daniel was oblivious to the whole thing but Sam had noticed how the nurses always vied for the chance to give him both his pre and post mission physicals. Gone was the scrawny, clueless scientist, and in his place was a valuable, seasoned member of SG-1. Although he STILL could still get in a heap of trouble without lifting his little pinky. Daniel was indeed gifted.

"I'll be back in a flash Daniel." Sam said with a slight smile as she headed away in the opposite direction in search of a decent bush.

Although Daniel knew Sam would be right back, he decided to take the opportunity to rest for a moment and headed towards a large rock just to the left of yet another large pile of mud. The first couple of steps went fine and Daniel only marginally noticed that he was sinking a little further into the mud. He took another large step and was shocked to feel no ground at all. //Oh Shit.//

Daniel instantly sank up to his hips in what was obviously P39-722's version of quicksand. He tried in vain to retrace his steps and get back to the mud "shelf" he must have stepped on earlier. No luck. //Shit! They are SO not going to let me live this down.//

Daniel thought for a moment, assessed the situation and opened his mouth to voice his findings.

"SAAAAAMMMMM!" Scarcely a second later he heard her racing out of the 'forest' behind him. Naturally he only remembered his radio AFTER he had shouted her name. God. Could he maybe get out of this without Jack finding out?

"Daniel!" Sam yelled at seeing her friend in the middle of what appeared to be a pool of mud.

"Don't say it Sam." Daniel said warily at seeing the look of utter incredulousness on her face. He could just hear the debriefing later. "I swear Sirs, I only left him alone for a few moments.." He shook his head. "Yes, it is quicksand. Could you possibly get me out of here please?" Daniel tried to keep his voice light, but he had already sunk a good couple of inches in just the span of a minute or two. He was a wee bit nervous.

"Hold on Daniel. And don't move!" Sam tore off her pack and began rooting around inside it for something to help Daniel. Sparing a few seconds, she keyed her radio on. "Colonel? We have a situation here." Sam said as she frowned at her pack. No rope.

"Carter?" Jack said with a note of urgency. "What's going on?"

"Daniel found some quicksand Sir. I'm going to try and get him out, but I wouldn't begrudge any help you guys might bring. We're about 2 clicks north of you on the same path we made yesterday."

"We're on our way Carter." Jack's terse voice said over the radio. He grabbed a backpack (he had the rope) and together with Teal'c began jogging down the path towards Sam and Daniel.

"Shit!" Sam yelled as she stood up and frantically scanned the area for SOMETHING she could use to help Daniel. What she wouldn't give for a nice tall deciduous tree. Grassy fields and rocks weren't going to be of much help. Most of her stuff was at the campsite and at first glance, she didn't have a damn thing that would help Daniel. Daniel! Sam jerked her head towards the bog to check on her friend.

Daniel was sinking. He didn't want to mention this to Sam, as she appeared to be searching quite franticly through her pack. But he was now up to his waist and starting to get very worried. He tried to take a step forward and only succeeded in making matters worse.

"Daniel, stop that!" Sam yelled at him as she withdrew a spare pair of pants from her pack. There were also two shirts in there (one quite smelly) but it would take too long to rip them up and tie everything together. The pants though just might work. Sam had never been so thankful for long legs in her life! She pulled off her belt and examined it.

"Dammit!" She said aloud. The belt consisted of 36 inches of reinforced webbing (which was good) but the buckle was a joke! There wasn't enough space to feed anything except the webbing through it. In theory she could have thrown Daniel the belt but she needed something additional to attach to it.. which was where her pants came in. But without a loop of some sort...

Doubting it would be long enough Sam tied one leg of the pants securely around a loop she fashioned from the belt. It only gave her a foot or so of extra length, plus it didn't look like it would hold their combined weight.

"Sam?" A very apprehensive Daniel Jackson asked. "Uh, how's it going? I don't mean to rush you or anything, but..."

"Almost there Daniel." Sam said not even looking up from what she was doing. She knew that Daniel must have sunk up to his chest by now.

"Fuck it!" Sam yelled as she jerked her pants down and quickly took them off over her boots. She shivered in the cool air and was thankful to be wearing somewhat respectable underwear. //I wonder if MacGyver ever had to lose his pants to save his friends? Awfully glad I bothered to shave yesterday...//

"Sam?!" What the hell was she doing? Nice panties Sam- you know Jack is just going to love this. Seriously. Jack Is Going To Love This. Despite the situation Daniel couldn't help but smile. He knew that Sam was an attractive woman- hell with legs up to her armpits and that brain, what's not to love? But thankfully Daniel was just not attracted to her in THAT sort of way. He'd leave the unresolved sexual tension to Jack. Ooo, Jack would SO not want to hear that.

"It's the only way to make something long enough Daniel." Sam explained as she tied both pair of pants together. Impulsively, she took off her BDU shirt and tied it to the pants. She stood up clad in only a thin t-shirt, underwear and army boots and looked at the steadily sinking Dr. Jackson. Daniel was quickly approaching his armpits.

"Now would be a good time to test this homemade rope of yours Sam." Daniel hoped his voice wasn't as shaky sounding as he felt.

"Cross your fingers." Sam muttered as she tossed Daniel a pant leg. It sank in the mud 6 inches from his fingertips. She quickly pulled the material out and took a small step forward. She could sense the mud oozing into her boots but could still feel solid ground beneath her feet.

"Take two Daniel, catch!" Sam held her breath as she again threw one end of the makeshift rope.

"Got it!" Daniel shouted. The muck was now a little passed his shoulders. Daniel wrapped the pant leg around his wrist and held on for dear life as Sam began to pull. This was the hard part. Not only was Sam pulling a person who weighed more than herself, but there was also the fact that she had to pull him through the mud as well.

"Lose the backpack Daniel!" Sam yelled pulling with all her strength. It was extremely slow going without anything to use as leverage. Adrenaline however is a mighty fine thing. It enables mother's to rip car doors off of hinges to save their children and it helps Air Force Majors pull their closest friends to safety.

"Don't fight it Daniel!" Sam grunted as she could feel her muscles straining to their uppermost limit. She had managed to pull him nearly a foot and was now inching her way out of the mud bank. Suddenly she slipped and fell straight back onto her backside. Quickly Sam righted herself and continued to pull. Both of her legs were now covered in the slightly gritty mud and Sam could feel it getting into her underwear as well. //Great. Just Great.//

"Almost there Sam." Daniel cried. He could see her eyes shut in total concentration as she strained against the weight and wished there was a way to make his body lighter. Suddenly, he was jerked another few inches forward and suddenly became aware of solid land beneath his feet.

"You did it Sam!" Daniel shouted as he clawed at the muddy bank in an effort to pull his body out of the muck. He lay completed encased in mud with half his body still in the bog and the other half trying to find a solid foothold on the slippery bank. An arm was suddenly in his face and Daniel grabbed it like the lifeline it was. Grunting with exertion, Sam pulled Daniel out of the bog and together they collapsed into the muddy grass.

And that's where Jack and Teal'c found them two minutes later- panting unevenly, lying practically on top of each other, covered in mud. Teal'c raised an eyebrow in amusement as he observed his friends. MajorCarter was without trousers.

Jack just stood at the edge of the bog and stared. Now that it was obvious that the immediate concern was over he took a moment to assess the situation (and collect himself before he burst out in laughter.) On his right lay the SGC's renowned archaeologist and linguist covered nearly head to toe in mud. On his left lay his 2IC clad in a wet and muddy t-shirt, hiking boots and what appeared to be blue and white striped bikini panties. Suddenly Jack didn't feel like laughing any more. And was anyone else noticing how warm it had become suddenly? Feeling guilty even as he did so, Jack couldn't help but admire Sam's long muscular legs and the way her t-shirt had ridden up to expose part of her lower stomach. //Crunches eh Carter?//

He quickly shook his head and swallowed the rather large lump in his throat. Sam was sexy as hell fully clothed, clad in underwear and covered in mud Carter looked... Carter looked delectable. //Get a grip Jack! Fantasies later. No! I mean, no fantasies. No fantasies about Carter that is. Ah man, would you stop already?// Jack turned away from Sam to take a better look at Daniel.

Teal'c was helping a completely mud-caked Dr. Jackson disentangle himself from Major Carter. Daniel had managed to keep his glasses but they were so covered in grime that Jack doubted they would do any good at the moment. He spied what had to be Sam's pants crumpled in a wet, muddy pile a few inches from where Carter still sat on the ground.

"I SO wish I had a camera." Jack finally said. "Definitely a SG-1 Christmas photo card contender."

"Jack!" Daniel exclaimed trying to steady himself with Teal'c's help. Standing didn't quite seem to be a go quite yet, and Daniel fell back down in the mud with an audible plop. Sam slowly sat up herself, still breathing hard, arms shaking visibly from fatigue and strain.

Rather than force them to stand up before they were ready, Jack squatted down next to them.

"Everyone ok?" He asked seriously. Sam could only nod while Daniel did a funny hand wave.

"You know Daniel, if you wanted to see Sam in her underwear there are probably easier ways to do so." Jack said with a twinkle in his eye.

"Very funny Jack." Daniel said shivering slightly.

"DaneilJackson, if you come with me I can provide you with more suitable clothing."

"Thanks Teal'c." Daniel said gratefully accepting his friend's help in standing. The second time worked like a charm. Daniel walked a few feet to where Teal'c and Jack had set down their packs.

"Carter, you sure your all right?" Jack asked putting a warm hand on her still shaking arm.

"Will be Sir." Sam said hoping to god she didn't throw up on her CO. "Just feeling the excess adrenaline bleed right now." Jack nodded in understanding.

"Let's get you into some pants, shall we? As much as I happen to like looking at your legs Carter, it probably would be for the best if you walked through the Stargate fully clothed." He tried (but failed) to hide the grin. Sam just blushed.

This was like that dream she had a few weeks back. The one that she really shouldn't have had, about the person she really shouldn't have been dreaming about. Still- it was awfully nice to see the Colonel looking so discombobulated over the sight of her in her underwear.

Sam had obviously used both of her pairs of trousers in order to rescue Daniel and although Daniel's pants would have fit her better, the obvious lack of backpack on Daniel's part made that a little tough. "Mine it is." Jack muttered under his breath. He was awfully glad he still had a spare pair of pants stuffed in the bottom of his pack.

"Can you stand, Sam?" Jack asked gently holding out his hand. Teal'c was busy attempting to help Daniel wipe off some of the excess muck.

"I think so." Sam said grabbing a hold of the hand Jack offered. Sam tried to hide the grimace as her shoulder muscles screamed in protest. Jack didn't miss a beat.

"Sprain, tear or just sore as hell Carter?" Jack asked as soon as she was standing, albeit on incredibly shaking legs.

"Just sore as hell Sir." She flashed both Jack and Daniel a smile. "He weighs more than he looks."

"Pretend I'm a tree Carter." Jack said as he handed her his spare pants. He resisted valiantly the urge to help Sam wipe off some of the excess mud from her legs. He also resisted thinking how Dr. Major Samantha Carter could probably hold her own and win any mud wrestling championship in the state.

//Stop thinking Jack.//
//But man! Carter is sexy.//
//That's not stopping.//
//Oh for crying out loud, would you shut up!//

Sam wiped off what she could and smiled gratefully at the Colonel as she leaned against him and awkwardly pulled on his spare pants. She swayed several times in the process, but Jack always steadied her and kept his mouth firmly shut the entire time.

The pants hung ridiculously low on her slim hips and one quick glance around revealed no trace of her belt. Oh well, Sam had heard low riders were 'in' this year. She started to bend down to roll up the cuffs when the Colonel stopped her and with an audible crunch of his knees, bent down to do it for her.

"Thanks Sir." Sam said softly.

"Look on the bright side Carter." Jack said as he lifted his pack onto his back. "You and Daniel won't have to hump your share of the tents back to the SGC." He turned to look at Daniel and Teal'c. "Ready?"

"We are ready O'Neill."

"Let's head on home, campers."

They walked the distance to the Stargate without incident. Daniel squelched his way up to the DHD and began dialing the coordinates for home. He wondered who was scheduled for the locker room first? He shook his head in defeat. Considering that Sam had just saved his life, she most definitely merited the first shower.

"You know the rumor mill is just going to go nuts with this little adventure of ours Carter." Jack said waving a hand in Daniel's direction. He looked ridiculous dressed in Teal'c's pants and covered in mud that was still damp in spots. You couldn't even tell what color his hair was supposed to be! Sam could only hope she didn't look as bad.

"True Sir, but somehow I think they will find it a little more interesting that I am returning home wearing your pants." Sam said smiling somewhat shyly up at her CO.

"I find it a little more interesting that you are wearing my pants." Jack said giving her a wide grin. Jack couldn't remember who had started the playful flirting that had become such a constant on off-world missions, but he definitely liked it.

"Well then, maybe I'll just have to find a way to wear them again one day." Sam said with a twinkle in her eye as she sashayed up the ancient stairs and through the Stargate. Jack stood stock still for a moment pondering his major's final words.

"I am SO not going to be able to sleep well tonight." Jack muttered as he stepped through the event horizon.

Completed December 18, 2002

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