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Title: The Assistant 10 - Excuses
Author: dietcokechic
Email: dietcokechic@hotmail.com
Season: 6
Related Episode(s): Assistant 9 , 607 - Shadow Play
Summary: Kira discovers that explaining mysterious injuries isn't quite as easy as Jack and Daniel made it look.

Author's ramblings: My excuses at the end, for now I just hope you enjoy the story!

This is for Patrick, a Barista/Assistant reader who sent me a tip about a job he thought I might be interested in - turns out he was right.


Previously on the Assistant:

I had just finished getting dressed and was attempting to tie a shoe with one hand, when I hear a funny sound behind me.

"Knock knock." I raise an eyebrow and shake my head in disbelief.

"You're knocking on a bedpan, Jack."

"It's clean," Jack insists. He then makes a face and carefully sets it back down. "I think..." Shoving his hands in his pockets, he strides over to where I'm attempting to tie my shoes.

"Velcro," Jack says sagely as he lightly bats my hands away and ties my shoes for me. "Look into getting something with Velcro."

"I'm thinking clogs," I say.

"Not really an option for a macho military man," Jack replies, indicating himself. "But I think you'll be able to pull it off." He finishes the shoe and stands up. I hear both his knees angrily pop in protest.

"Kira, see what you can do about finding a cure for old age," Jack sighs as he pulls up a chair and plops down into it. I giggle.

"I'll see what I can do." I'm about to ask Jack how he's doing when I hear a very intentional ‘ahem' at the door. I turn to see who it is and instantly pale.

Dr. Drexell.


The conversation wasn't going as smoothly as I would have liked.

"So let me get this straight," Stefan says in that tone of voice that tells you that he isn't buying a single word you're saying. "You had a minor accident earlier today and have decided to spend the night because you're just too tired to drive home." I decide not to clarify that the accident actually happened 36 hours ago and this would be my second night at the SGC . Although I don't feel bad about leaving that bit out, Stefan would find out soon enough about the other half of my problems.

"Actually," I reply sheepishly eyeing my swollen hand. "While it is true that I'm really tired, I actually don't think…"

"You actually don't think what?" Stefan prompts. I sigh in defeat. So much for my plan to just give him a brief call to explain why I won't be able to make it over for our weekly Will and Grace night.

"I actually don't think," I continue, "that I can drive." I brace myself for the inevitable.

"You can't drive?!" Stefan shouts loudly into the phone. Ouch. I had no idea the inevitable would be so loud. I wince in pain and awkwardly pull the phone away from my ear a few inches.

"You don't think you can drive," Stefan repeats in a quieter voice. He pauses to consider his next words. "Kira, what the hell happened to you in that mountain?" I wonder if it would make him feel better to know I pretty much did it to myself off the mountain? I silently sigh and just stick with what I've told him so far. I know he's just worried about me. And truth be told, I'm a little worried about me as well.

After Jack had filled me in (more or less) on what a fool I had made of myself last night, we had a good long talk about what happened (accident) and about our assorted Daniel-sightings. Jack is fairly certain that Daniel isn't popping in on just anyone these days and thinks I should count myself as fortunate that I'm one of the few people Daniel is able to see. I was a little confused at the notion that Daniel couldn't actually see anyone he wanted, but considering that I have a head injury and all that, I'm not going to dwell.

I still think Jack made a mistake with goading Dr. Drexell earlier today, but I just have to take it on faith that he won't push him too far. I mean hardly any of the scientists, and none of the military really think Jack and I are having an affair. Apparently, Daniel wasn't shy about praising Victor's coffee and I guess my name was mentioned once or twice. I'm more Jack's little sister or grown-up daughter than mistress. Still, while I might be safe from truly becoming rumor mill fodder, I'm not so sure I'm safe from Drexell. That man really doesn't like me. Or Jack.

"Kira, are you there?" Oops. I completely and unintentionally tuned Stefan out. Nice to know that Doctor Frasier's diagnosis of a moderate concussion was spot on.

"Sorry, Stefan."

"I said," Stefan repeated, "is there anything you need? Toothbrush, trashy novel, pint of ice cream..?" My heart tightens. I love my friends!

"I really appreciate the offer Stefan, but as soon as I hang up with you I'm probably going to go back to sleep." Another lengthy pause before Stefan replies.

"Are they waking you every couple of hours?" It takes me a second to process what Stefan has just said.

"Yes Dad," I reply sarcastically. "They're waking me every few hours…" I pause as I realize what Stefan has just said. "Hey! You know I have a concussion!" I accuse. "How do you know I have a concussion?" I didn't just say anything stupid and blab out what really happened, did I?

"It's only 7:30 at night Kira," Stefan explains. "Not exactly prime time for sleeping unless you're under the age of 8." Oops. Guess I should have called Stefan earlier. But then again, I really thought I was going to be going home earlier. I was all set to leave this afternoon. I got dressed all by myself, with only a little help from Jack with my shoes. Now if Jack wasn't a gentleman, I might have made it. After all, it wasn't like I was planning on driving myself home or anything. Jack couldn't drive me, so he had arranged for one of the airmen to do so. Initially, I had balked at the idea (favoritism on a military base isn't a very good idea), but Jack assured me that this was done for all SGC personnel. Having emergency transportation available to me was just one of the perks of the job. The last time an employee had been driven home was two weeks ago when Dr. Kettleman lost track of time and forgotten about his son's impending birth. Talk about embarrassing.

Anyhow, Jack was walking me to the elevator. I was doing just fine…up until the moment I was hit with a raging case of the dizzies. If I could have just held off ten more feet, I would have been home free! As it was, Jack caught me as I swooned and the next thing I knew I was back in the infirmary for more tests. Gee. Lucky me.

"Kira?" Crap! I did it again. Stefan chuckles softly.

"I could hear your zoning out miles away," Stefan explains. "Contrary to popular belief, I'm actually rather smart." I gasp in mock astonishment. I've known for years that Stefan plays down his intelligence. He might like...uncomplicated boyfriends (I didn't say dumb, I said uncomplicated) but that doesn't mean that he is.

"I've always known you're a pretty smart guy," I reply.

"Yeah, but don't tell anyone!" Stefan chuckles wickedly. "I know people, Kira," he says in a sing-song voice. "People who know people." He pauses. "People who know people who know how to break things…" Stefan is totally joking with me, but I'm afraid the heavy silence that follows gives me a way.

"Don't you dare tell me you broke something!" Stefan pauses as he mentally goes over everything I've told him so far. "You broke your arm, didn't you?" he accuses.

"I do not have a broken arm!" I reply hotly as I stare at my casted wrist. "But yeah, I did break something." Stefan sighs and I can just picture him shaking his head.

"Kira, when you took this job, I never thought in a million years that you would be as accident-prone as Professor Yummy."

Me either.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't even remember falling asleep, but I do know what woke me up.

"I thought I would find you in here, Colonel," a voice says loudly, jarring me back to the land on the living.

"Shhh, keep it down," Jack whispers next to my bed. "Can't you see she's sleeping?" I know I should open my eyes and announce that I'm awake, but to be honest, my eyes just don't feel like opening.

"Sorry," the voice whispers contritely.

"What do you want, Jonas?" Jack asks softly. He sounds tired.

"Colonel, I know General Hammond is going to make his decision soon, and I also know that you can back up Major Carter's belief that Kelowna is important."

"Carter just thinks we should go for the naquadria, Jonas. It has nothing to do with Kelowna ."

"They asked for your help, Colonel," Jonas pleads. "It is true that the situation was such that I felt the need to leave, but it isn't because I don't believe in my people. They're in trouble and need Earth's help."

"For crying out loud Jonas," Jack whispers angrily. "They killed Daniel." Enough with passive listening, I need to get into this conversation.

"Who killed Daniel?" I ask groggily. I still seem to have problems getting my eyes to work quite right, but I can't possibly sleep through a discussion about Daniel.

"Good going Jonas," Jack mutters darkly.

"Who killed Daniel?" I repeat, managing to open my eyes. Jack is sitting by my bedside, glaring daggers at Jonas. Jonas is standing a few feet away, looking guilty.

"Sorry, Kira," Jonas says contritely. "I really didn't mean to wake you."

"I didn't really mean to fall asleep," I reply. "So we're even." I turn towards Jack. "Who killed Daniel?" I knew Daniel was exposed to lethal radiation while on a mission. I also know that it was while on Jonas' planet. What I didn't know was that it wasn't an accident.

"It was an accident, Kira," Jonas explains quietly.

"An accident your people could have prevented had you not played with things you didn't fully understand!" Jack sounds so incredibly angry and bitter. I can see Jonas struggling not to say what I think everyone is thinking: we play with things we don't fully understand all the time. We being Earth folk. Or to be more specific, American Earth folk. Americans are notorious for pushing the envelope on innovation - aka playing with things we don't fully understand.

"It was an accident," Jack grudgingly agrees. "But a stupid one," he adds. " Kelowna shouldn't have been messing around with fusion or fission or whatever it was they were fiddling with and Daniel..." Jack's voice trails off. "Daniel saw a bad situation and, like usual, put himself in harm's way in order to prevent it from getting worse." Jack pauses, glancing up at the ceiling briefly before shaking his head in resignation. "He saved hundreds of lives that day, but he couldn't save his own." Neither Jonas or I could say anything after that. I'm fairly certain that if I hadn't ‘seen' Daniel just a few days ago, I would be crying. I guess ascension is good for some things.

"Look Jonas," Jack continues in a resigned voice, "even if I do back up Carter and agree we should head back to Kelowna, it's you and Carter who will probably end up going." Jack sighs again. "You, Carter and probably SG-3. Maybe Teal'c – it'll depend on Carter I imagine. All I know is that I sincerely doubt the General will let me go." He looks my way. "I'm pretty certain I'm still grounded."

"It was an accident, Jack!" I insist. Jack gingerly taps my cast-enclosed wrist.

"Accidents have ramifications Kira," he says softly. "I don't think this one is going to be swept under the carpet. General Hammond would need an awfully strong excuse to send me back out into the field so soon."


"Well it just goes to show you how wrong I was," Jack remarks drolly three hours later as he pokes his head into the infirmary to say goodbye. Dressed in full SG-1 regalia, I can tell he's on his way to the Gateroom. The gun slung over his back and a second strapped to his leg pretty much gives it away. I would not want to mess with armed-Jack.

"Heading to Kelowna I take it?" I ask casually, as I carefully stand up. One of the nurses already helped me with my shoes, so I'm pretty much ready to blow this pop stand.

"Apparently naquadria trumps head cases," Jack explains with a shrug. "The Kelownan government really wants all of SG-1 and the Joint Chiefs really want naquadria. Ergo…" He pauses and slaps his chest with fingerless gloves. "Me." I walk over to where Jack is standing and give him a quick peck on the cheek. I would have hugged him, but I was concerned I might set off a grenade or something.

"Take care of yourself, Jack."

"It's not me I'm worried about," Jack replies. He opens his mouth to say something else, but stops as someone approaches the infirmary. I smile as I catch sight of Chloe lurking in the doorway looking suitably awed by Mission-Jack. "Don't forget to cover your wrist in plastic bags when you shower," Jack advises as he as he flexes the brim of his baseball cap. "Soggy plaster itches like crazy." With those words of wisdom, he gives Chloe a small nod and leaves.

"Wow," Chloe says as she watches Jack leave. "I can see why Jay is so enamored with SG-1. Do they all act like that?"

"Do they all act like Jack O'Neill?" I repeat. "Definitely not." Jack is without question one of a kind. "Still," I say to Chloe as I grab my bag as we leave the infirmary. "All of SG-1 has that super-charged command presence."

"And hottness?" she asks seriously. "Are they all so damn hot?" I think of Daniel and smile. I then run through the SG-1 roster. Teal'c? Seriously hot. Sam? Drop dead gorgeous. Jonas? Cute as a button.

"Oh yeah," I say nodding with authority. "Definitely hot."

"You up for a quick bite before heading home?" Chloe asks. She knows how much I'm looking forward to getting back to my own bed, so I know she has something on her mind.

"Spill," I order without preamble as we walk out the door. The nurses already checked me out, so no is around except the ever-present video camera.

"It's Jay! I mean Dr. Felger!" Chloe gushes, as she tries to compose herself. I can see that she is just bursting to fill me in.

"What about Dr. Felger?"

"He and Dr. Coombs are scheduled to go off world with SG-1!"

Oh boy.


My excuse...I mean Author Notes: Once again, sincerest apologies that this took (gasp) six seven months to write. Who would have thought that I'd be able to write more when I was in graduate school?! Yes, it's true that I took a month long vacation in January (UAE – loved it), but I never expected to fly home on a Monday and be gainfully employed by that Friday. Anyone working for a start-up knows that it's pretty much impossible to get anything done until after the release of your first widget. Thankfully, our widget will be/has to go out the door next month. I should be much better about writing after launch. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to that - I've missed Kira! I'm determined to at least finish season 6 and have Daniel come back. Plus I have an epic Kira-story I'm just dying to tell, but I can't do so until Daniel is back. I know it's taking far longer than any of us want, but I'll get there. Promise! Oh! And that teaser scene with Drexell last chapter? It's still coming....<evil grin>

It's been a long time since I've posted anything, so please drop me an email and let me know if I can still write, okay?

My goal (at least for the next few months) is to write shorter (5-7 page), but more frequent Kira stories. My stories have gotten longer and longer, and while I adore writing more thorough adventures, the realities of R.L. mean I just can't do it as often as I would like. Wouldn't you rather have two 5-page stories in two months, rather than one ten-pager in two? [looks smug] I thought so!

Written June 17, 2007

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